Choosing the Right Path

Hello fellow parents.

There are two conflicting paths during this time of medical-war in which we are living. We all have a choice as to how to proceed; similarly, we will all have a corresponding outcome for that choice.

Our entire human race is suffering right now. Tens of thousands of people have died, and many more will become just a number, adding to the growing broken hearts spanning the world, showing our fragility and human weakness.

In full transparency, this is not a post about all the amazing acts of kindness and humanity that I see blanketing social media. Our world is beyond wealthy in that right arena right now. There is immense beauty that lives in the darkness, love that is finally superseding hate and a camaraderie of our basic humanity.

What I do want to voice is my opposition to this entitled feeling of loss. I hear the parents; I hear the graduating class, isolation birthdays, rescheduled weddings and cancelled vacations. I hear the overwhelming feeling of unfairness over these “missed moments,” and I want to inspire you to see this differently. For you, for your child and for our world. You have only lost what you allow yourself to lose. Your child didn’t lose a life altering school experience; an opportunity was not realized, yes, but not lost. I beg you to choose a different way to practice seeing this. Cystic fibrosis has been my greatest teacher in this life, so if you can, take this in.

Over the past 14 years, our family has spent over forty weeks in the hospital. We have quarantined during flu season, missing holidays and parties more often than we attended. Every calendar holiday and birthday has been celebrated at least once while in the hospital, often twice. From Christmas trees, to delivering Valentines in the hallway to low risk patients, to trick-or-treating from the staff. Our children did not miss graduation, they missed school. The whole entire school experience. You see, school is not an option when you culture a bacterium that is resistant to almost every available antibiotic. One could find sadness in that. No sports, no school trips, no giggling on the recess playground, no friendships that could develop to the point of sleepovers, staying up into the late hours talking about nothing and everything all at once. Friends and family often offer us permission to feel loss, to feel anger, but what we realized, and what I encourage you all to realize is that in this moment of perceived loss, there is a great lesson available for you to take, if you are willing. You can choose to find the blessings. We were gifted more time with our children through the opportunity of homeschooling, Maylie & Ellesse’s friendship is unparalleled, and we have flexibility to travel and explore, unrestricted by a school schedule. Our children do not have to morn that which did not exist. Seeing the silver lining is not innate, this mindset needs to be taught and a desire to adopt is paramount.

You, as a parent have an immense power. Our children learn how to handle stress and overcome hurdles from their mentors, and you are their greatest mentor. How you cope during this tumultuous time will pave the way for how they handle defeat and disappointment for the rest of their lives. This outcome can be redefined, if you so choose.

Our first holiday in the hospital was brutally hard to accept. In all honesty, I spent the entire night before silently sobbing in the bathroom. It took accessing a strength that I didn’t know that I possessed to understand that there was goodness hiding within my tears. It wouldn’t be perfect, but it would be supportive of one of the greatest characteristics that I wanted to teach my children, resilience. We filled our target cart with every gingerbread house we could get our hands on, strings of lights and a small tree, we downloaded Christmas music and created the most festive room on the 3rd floor. We chose to find joy where sadness is like a virulent virus, it is not always easy, but it’s necessary. Each subsequent trip to the hospital is faced with this same energy and desire to find this hidden beauty.

So, if there is one thing, I can bequeath you from my experiences, often mirroring our current state, is to keep present. Remember that through these perceived feelings of loss, our children are gaining character, resilience and wisdom. Maybe it is not in the way you would have chosen to teach it, but it is there just the same. Choose the right path.